Middle Eastern Guys Laff it up
Today while working, I was joking around with one of the arab cooks. He kept saying funny things to the female waitress and then would mug it up for me whenever she turned around. One of his greatest jokes consisted of this:
Ali: Hey Chelsea, you are a vegetarian right?
Chelsea: NO! Ali, Why do keep thinking I am a vegetarian?
Ali: Because you look like a zucchini!
After saying this...he would wait, and then look at me and nod with expectation.
Prof. Passion: (tears fall from eyes as I laugh) HA HA HA
Chelsea: What the hell does that even mean?
Ali: He gets it (points at me). He gets it. (to no one in particular Ali says "Baby" and goes back to work)
More comedy? Also tonight:
Ali: Hey Chelsea, You have a grey hair.
Chelsea: I know, I get grey hair because of stress...Where is it Ali? Show me so I can pull it out.
Ali: Its right there (gestures vaguely)
Chelsea: Where?
Ali: UP YOUR BUTT!
Prof. Passion: (almost spits he laughs so hard) HA HA HA
Last night as two guys left the restaurant they told Ali, Rashad, and I that the food was excellent. I say, "Thanks guys". Ali says, "Yeah? (raising his eyebrows curiously)....Bitch."
I again laugh uncontrollably.
What is the lesson from all of these tales? People with heavy accents and limited skills with a language always make me laugh. I remember my friend Sammy would crack me up simply by slightly screwing up normal english slang. Where as we might say to a lying whore claiming to be a librarian, "Librarian my ass", he would say, "In my ass you are a librarian". I would laugh so hard at this he would think himself clever. And in fact, he was.
Ali: Hey Chelsea, you are a vegetarian right?
Chelsea: NO! Ali, Why do keep thinking I am a vegetarian?
Ali: Because you look like a zucchini!
After saying this...he would wait, and then look at me and nod with expectation.
Prof. Passion: (tears fall from eyes as I laugh) HA HA HA
Chelsea: What the hell does that even mean?
Ali: He gets it (points at me). He gets it. (to no one in particular Ali says "Baby" and goes back to work)
More comedy? Also tonight:
Ali: Hey Chelsea, You have a grey hair.
Chelsea: I know, I get grey hair because of stress...Where is it Ali? Show me so I can pull it out.
Ali: Its right there (gestures vaguely)
Chelsea: Where?
Ali: UP YOUR BUTT!
Prof. Passion: (almost spits he laughs so hard) HA HA HA
Last night as two guys left the restaurant they told Ali, Rashad, and I that the food was excellent. I say, "Thanks guys". Ali says, "Yeah? (raising his eyebrows curiously)....Bitch."
I again laugh uncontrollably.
What is the lesson from all of these tales? People with heavy accents and limited skills with a language always make me laugh. I remember my friend Sammy would crack me up simply by slightly screwing up normal english slang. Where as we might say to a lying whore claiming to be a librarian, "Librarian my ass", he would say, "In my ass you are a librarian". I would laugh so hard at this he would think himself clever. And in fact, he was.
posted by Old Stallion at 10:26 PM
3 Comments:
A man named 'bug may have told me last night that he sprung a boner at work while thinking about lasagna. post hoc ergo poppa cock, baby!
My German foreign exchange student friend in high school always cracked me up. His name was Florian (Flo), and the first joke he ever told went like this:
We're driving in my parents new car to Scottsbluff, and Flo puts a piece of gum in his mouth and throws the wrapper on the floor of the car. Then he says in a thick German accent, "Krauter, your car is totally trashed."
I want to add a gangs away to this post, and to your comments under the New Orleans post. In the span of ten minutes, the Professor of Passion has made me feel fury, indignation, rage, sorrow, disgust, and, finally, extreme hilarity. The spectrum of emotions has been experienced, in toto, with the partial exceptions of sleepiness and cheeseburger and pancake eating. Three cheers and a reverse gangs away for English as spoken by non-native speakers. My Iraqi friend in Lincoln, Abdul, has trouble pronouncing my first and last names, so he instead calls me G Colorado.
If you were to pronounce phonetically the jumble of letters I have to type for the word verification system now, you would be saying "cock picks." Or maybe "cock pix?" Either way, something is happening with either roosters and/or dongs.
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