Stylin' and Profilin'

Science is the sweetest word in the mother fuckin dictionary.
Science.
You know what we need more of? Science.
Proof you ask? An explanation for my wild claim?
Well jerkweed, your question only proves my point. The search for proof, and explanation can only be called the quest of science.
How does this tie into anything comedic or true?
Listen:
I was sent cookies via mail by my lady love. Chocolate chip cookies. I ate a bunch of these cookies with milk. Science tells me that the cookies were poisoned. Science tells me a lot of things. I trust science because why would it lie? What secret agenda does science have? No agenda at all I say. No agenda at all. Anyway the poison cookies tasted great. They also did not hurt my puddings. In fact, if all poisoned cookies were as harmless as these poisoned cookies, then poisoned cookies aren't harmful at all. There my friend lies the science. The inductive step from particular non-murderous poisoned cookies, to the assertion that there exists a general class of non-murderous poisoned cookies.
I wish everyone could share my poisoned cookies with me.