Scotch is the best? No. Its the bestest.

There is a drunk that can only be provided by scotch. I am puzzled by the different types of "drunk" generated by different drinks. Alcohol is alcohol. So I have no idea why Scotch should have a different effect then say "white russians". But lo! I have never gotten the same type of drunk from the consumption of white russians, hurricanes, vodka, or gin (gin makes a man mean), that I can get from scotch. I like everything mind you, but damn, when flying solo, relaxing to music, or to a book, or whatever smooths out the soul, scotch is king. But why? It is a great source of puzzlement. I only wish I had some caged monkey to experiment on. I think if I fed him a variety of mix drinks and then beat him senseless I could solve this mystery. Really. A couple of drinks, and then...BAM. I would smack the monkey silly. He would be all jumping and freaking out, screaming out monkey gibberish and I would just put the old school backhand across his face. The monkey would be confused. He had never taken so forceful a strike before! The hairless alpha male who had just given him the warming liquid was now a danger to his very being! Should he fight? Or take flight? Before his stupid monkey brain could decide I would hit him with my patented Deluxe Forehead Auxiliary Moon Butt. The monkeys skull would explode into a hundred pieces, leaving his undamaged brain intact. I would peel away the monkeys face to examine his brain. Maybe I would eat it. Maybe I would try talking to it. Whatever. The details are unimportant. I know I could solve the mystery.