The Best Kind of Crazy

The topic of Israel comes up again and again in the philosophy office. As the resident Zionist I am often questioned for my keen analysis of the Middle Eastern conflict. I usually try to paint a fair picture of tragic suffering and spout some platitude about hoping for peace. No longer. For now, and only now, the conflict has become personal: Hamas attacks Freemasonry.

Attacking Freemasonry is retarded. For Hamas to accept the Blood-libel, Jewish banker conspiracies, and other such nonsense makes sense in a dumbass sort of way—they have a real conflict with the Jews so one can expect them to engage in a bit of fictionalization of their enemy. But the anti-masonic articles from their 1989 charter indicates something a bit more disturbing. They believe in the kind of conspiracy theory shit that is completely inexcusable: In 1989 (not 1889 mind you) Hamas declares Freemasonry to be a enemy force that will be reckoned with:
[Spelling errors are from the translation I used]

Article Seventeen:
The Moslem woman has a role no less important than that of the moslem man in the battle of liberation. She is the maker of men. Her role in guiding and educating the new generations is great. The enemies have realised the importance of her role. They consider that if they are able to direct and bring her up they way they wish, far from Islam, they would have won the battle. That is why you find them giving these attempts constant attention through information campaigns, films, and the school curriculum, using for that purpose their lackeys who are infiltrated through Zionist organizations under various names and shapes, such as Freemasons, Rotary Clubs, espionage groups and others, which are all nothing more than cells of subversion and saboteurs. These organizations have ample resources that enable them to play their role in societies for the purpose of achieving the Zionist targets and to deepen the concepts that would serve the enemy. These organizations operate in the absence of Islam and its estrangement among its people. The Islamic peoples should perform their role in confronting the conspiracies of these saboteurs. The day Islam is in control of guiding the affairs of life, these organizations, hostile to humanity and Islam, will be obliterated.

Article Twenty-Two:
For a long time, the enemies have been planning, skillfully and with precision, for the achievement of what they have attained. They took into consideration the causes affecting the current of events. They strived to amass great and substantive material wealth which they devoted to the realisation of their dream. With their money, they took control of the world media, news agencies, the press, publishing houses, broadcasting stations, and others. With their money they stirred revolutions in various parts of the world with the purpose of achieving their interests and reaping the fruit therein. They were behind the French Revolution, the Communist revolution and most of the revolutions we heard and hear about, here and there. With their money they formed secret societies, such as Freemasons, Rotary Clubs, the Lions and others in different parts of the world for the purpose of sabotaging societies and achieving Zionist interests. With their money they were able to control imperialistic countries and instigate them to colonize many countries in order to enable them to exploit their resources and spread corruption there.


Article Twenty-Eight:
The Zionist invasion is a vicious invasion. It does not refrain from resorting to all methods, using all evil and contemptible ways to achieve its end. It relies greatly in its infiltration and espionage operations on the secret organizations it gave rise to, such as the Freemasons, The Rotary and Lions clubs, and other sabotage groups. All these organizations, whether secret or open, work in the interest of Zionism and according to its instructions. They aim at undermining societies, destroying values, corrupting consciences, deteriorating character and annihilating Islam. It is behind the drug trade and alcoholism in all its kinds so as to facilitate its control and expansion.

[As stupid as I think this is, I must admit my own ignorance: What is this Rotary and Lions club of which they speak? Any help electro-friends?]