2003 German Reisling. The best? You better believe!
Howdy Y'all
I read in one of the "city happenings" magazines that the 2003 German Reisling is the best since 1540. According to the article the brutal 2003 heat wave in Europe not only killed a bunch of people, but also produced a special yield of grapes. These 2003 grapes were plump and juicy and full of a sweetness that hadn't been seen since...1540. Wow! These grapes must be good. So good in fact, that people feel justified in making an absolutely fucking unsupportable arbitrary claim. 1540? Who the fuck knows what wine tasted like in 1540? Who knows what it tasted like in 1546? 1642? 1539? Am I to believe that the 1540 wine was so tasty that even if the current wine dominates all other wines, it is simply absurd to even compare it with the 1540? Shit! Did the 1540 taste so awesome that by 1541 everyone was like, "What the hell happened? The 1540 wine was so great! This 1541 wine is shit. Thank god the earth is flat. Lets use scientifically recognized methods to record our wine tasting data so in generations to come wine tasting assholes can speak about changes in wine quality without hyperbole--let us also continue to bleed our sick and transmute lead into gold!".
I bought a bottle of 2003 German Reisling anyway. It was really sweet but still tasty. I say it is the best fucking wine of all time. Since creation itself no man has ever tasted a sweeter wine. All other wines are piss compared to its sweetness. The wine that Zeus and Jesus, and all the other gods drink tastes like the squeezed poop droppings of a wild ape compared to this wine. My god! Can a wine be better? Answer: No. I am an idiot
I read in one of the "city happenings" magazines that the 2003 German Reisling is the best since 1540. According to the article the brutal 2003 heat wave in Europe not only killed a bunch of people, but also produced a special yield of grapes. These 2003 grapes were plump and juicy and full of a sweetness that hadn't been seen since...1540. Wow! These grapes must be good. So good in fact, that people feel justified in making an absolutely fucking unsupportable arbitrary claim. 1540? Who the fuck knows what wine tasted like in 1540? Who knows what it tasted like in 1546? 1642? 1539? Am I to believe that the 1540 wine was so tasty that even if the current wine dominates all other wines, it is simply absurd to even compare it with the 1540? Shit! Did the 1540 taste so awesome that by 1541 everyone was like, "What the hell happened? The 1540 wine was so great! This 1541 wine is shit. Thank god the earth is flat. Lets use scientifically recognized methods to record our wine tasting data so in generations to come wine tasting assholes can speak about changes in wine quality without hyperbole--let us also continue to bleed our sick and transmute lead into gold!".
I bought a bottle of 2003 German Reisling anyway. It was really sweet but still tasty. I say it is the best fucking wine of all time. Since creation itself no man has ever tasted a sweeter wine. All other wines are piss compared to its sweetness. The wine that Zeus and Jesus, and all the other gods drink tastes like the squeezed poop droppings of a wild ape compared to this wine. My god! Can a wine be better? Answer: No. I am an idiot
posted by Old Stallion at 8:26 AM
3 Comments:
I grow similarly incensed when someone says, "This was the best movie I've ever seen." Oh yeah, jerk. You're obviously forgetting the time you watched Howie Mandel's "Walk Like a Man" when you were a kid. That was the best movie you ever saw. And what's with every critic who says, "These are the 10 best movies/albums/books of the year." Oh, really. Did you read every single book, watch every single movie, or listen to every single album extant in the past year? No? I didn't think so, nutpimp. Next time, call them the 10 best you had access to. I like wine.
I like wine, but I don't really like sweet wine... Maybe the 1540 wine wasn't so sweet? If yes, then that is the one I prefer. Please deliver a bottle to my office.
It seems like now might be as good a time as any to open my 1540 vintage reisling. have it with nachos. maybe mix it with some sprite or something. i'll stop by after work, k-dogg. we'll drink the sweet, sweet wine with some HOT mexican food! delight!
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