I am a handsome man.
Today, after taking a big shit I happened across my image in the mirror. Wow! For a second there I thought I might be gay. I couldn’t believe the sexy face staring back at me. Those dreamy eyes! The porcelain cheeks! But before I seriously started to question my sexual orientation I realized I was looking at myself. I am so handsome! Seriously, how do you people manage to talk to me without drooling all over yourselves? What a glorious sight I am to behold! If only I had a full body mirror in my house. As it is I have to jump up and down to try to look at my shlong. But damn. Even with the limited perspective I can see that I am beautiful. What pleasure I must give to the people of this world. If only I could be on the outside looking in. Then I could spend all day looking at my perfect face instead of having to look out on to you ugly sacks of shit. What eyesores!
posted by Old Stallion at 6:56 PM
1 Comments:
here's a helpful household tip!!!
for a better view of your "man business", stand on the rim of your bathtub. your mirror is in perfect position for an all-day gaze-a-thon (or gays-a-thon as the case so clearly is). it's all there for the taking, waiting to be beheld. and to be held. also, it gives me a better view from your backyard if you're up at an angle.
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