Howdy Fans. The Passion Returns!

Holy tits. I have been in this big funk all summer. I waste so much time everyday. I am a lazy lazy jerk. I don't understand it. Every night I go to sleep and say, "Alright, tomorrow I am going to kick so much ass". And then lo and behold, I awake, scratch my ass, and continue to wallow in laziness. I've tried everything. Milk. Coffee. Everything! But the fact is my motivation is gone.
The sharp wit? Dull!. The mighty intellect? Farting. I think my brain broke. Really. I mean I still throw weights and shit, so its not depression right? But lordy, I have no will to power. I have no will at all. My conatus is a flickering whisper. I am passive while external inclinations dominate my being. Where is my autonomous being? Why can't I embrace the beast of existence?
I hope my can-do pluck and childish knowhow reemerge as dominate forces in my psyche, cos baby, my get up and go has got up and went!

"My get up and go, got up and went." Who first uttered this phrase? That guy (or girl) was an idiot.

I'm Lazy. Read this instead.

You have to click on the title. Then you will be transported to a gag.

Freedom Eggs! On your chin!

I hope that one day, a scientist will implant the fertilized eggs of endangered species in the wombs of various human women. It would be great. Every political jerk would be confused. Conservatives love killing endangered animals but-at the same time- they hate abortion. Liberals love abortion, but hate killing endangered animals. What to do? Can an environmentalist tell a woman what to do with her body? Do we protect the sanctity of life if it’s a bald eagle egg? In the womb of a human woman? Man o man it’s quite the conundrum.

No, really it's not. I mean, there are plenty of consistent positions to take, but you can imagine the political cheap shots aimed at candidates who take sides:

Senator Firm Love permits abortion in the case of human babies but thinks it should be outlawed to protect ANIMALS! Is Senator Firm Love INSANE!

Senator Steel is pro-life, except when that life is the symbol of AMERICA! If the human fetus is a human life, why isn’t the EAGLE of FREEDOM's FETUS a life? Why isn’t it entitled to the full legal protection of the endangered species act? Does Senator Steel hate FREEDOM?

Man those are stupid arguments. But we have all heard something equally stupid:

Senator Tuff Heart claims to be pro-life, yet thinks the state should be allowed to MURDER full grown adults!

And the opposite:
Senator Courage works hard to protect CRIMINALS but supports the MURDER of innocent BABIES!

This is the sort of intellectual honesty found in political discourse: Professor Passion BUYS moldy milk (cheese) yet THROWS AWAY moldy milk (old milk, old cheese). He is INSANE!

But this is the sort of intellectual honesty found in my papers:
1) P
2) P->Q
C) P (From 1)

Horrible. Simply Horrible.

My last two post are really in poor taste. This one is better. Despite the fierce appearance of these fellows I can assure you that they are not really tough guys. They are actually Harvard scientists who study the effects of carbon dioxide emissions. You can tell their toughness is faked once you detect the nerd-gas emissions oozing forth from their very image. It is amazing that this gas can somehow be smelled through the internet.
Despite their nerd smell these guys are true heros. True Nerd Heroes!

Sexism

I was talking some of my tough guy amoralism shit. You know, the dope shit? The denying the existence of rights shit?-When this chick confused my philosophically motivated tough guy antics with macho-pig motivated antics and asked if I don't believe in right and wrong, would I be willing to kill a woman. I said, "what, you mean after I raped her?"

Snarf loves Liono

Its true.

A Lay Up To Savings.

I was cleaning up my desk drawer yesterday, when I found the game program for the Hornets vs Sixers game of Jan 28th. I flipped through the program and found this add:

On the page is written, " A Lay-Up to Savings" and it has a picture of a ugly woman with a basketball smiling up at the camera, which is looking down at her through a basketball net. What the hell is a Lay-Up to savings? When do lay-ups lead anywhere? What the hell are they talking about?
I am going to attempt a Lay-Up to Justice. Maybe later a Lay-up to Truth. I can take Lay-ups to anywhere! Maybe it will be my new means of travel and my new means to achieving my goals.

The interesting part of this add is that it is not an add for basketball tickets or something relating to basketball. It is an add for a newspaper subscription. In the attempt to relate the value of a low price for a newspaper with something basketball fans (like me) can understand, somebody said "Hey, everyone loves savings, and basketball fans love Lay-Ups! Lets combine the two to create an add they can't resist!". The other guy (trying to impress the boss and steal his coworkers thunder) said, "No way, People like Slam Dunks even more than Lay-ups. Lets offer "A Slam-Dunk to Savings!". Then the boss thought and after judging the merits of both ideas said, "No. Not everyone can dunk, we don't want our savings to seem difficult. Lets stick with "A Lay-Up to Savings", lets also feature a picture of a white woman looking up through a basketball hoop".
Both of his workers accepted his judgment as wise.

As a basketball fan, I have to admit that group of advertising jerks nailed it! I love savings, I love Lay-Ups, and I don't feel frightened by ugly white women holding basketballs. I will take a Lay-Up to Savings.

A Hornets Nest

Hey Friends!
On the rooftop that surrounds my bedroom a band of hornets built a home. I have no complaints with the impact their architectural design has on my aesthetic view of the outside, but I get pissed when they invade of my personal space. Why can't they leave me alone? This one butt-of-an-ass hornet was crawling around my desk before I smashed his brains out with a boot. I gave him the boot indeed. Another jerkweed hornet scared the poop from my ass when he buzzed around my face. I smashed his brains out with a book. At first I worried that if I failed in my kill stroke the hornet might get mad and sting me. After examining so many smooshed hornet's brains though, I am now confident that these stupid insects would more likely sting the boot or book and not me. Shit. They don't even understand english. I yell at them and call them names and they just sit there and go "BZzZ, BZzZ". I understand perfectly well what "BZzZ, BZzZ" means and so I must smash 'em.
I have nothing against life. But I hate when it flies around my face.

Check out this, my new favorite website:
http://www.bobsanimalfights.com/index.html

Education is Power:

Know how:

"Attack from the back. Appear in the rear"

The rising beast:

"My soul cannot be defeated by the powers of this world"

I rage against the machine:

"Be your own dog"

Fact:

"Working for money is prostitution. You should only be a whore if it gets you off."

Confusion:

If cheese is moldy milk, what in god's name is moldy cheese? I'm an ordinary man who occasionally buys cheese with the intention of consuming it. Yet often, I find that the cheese I purchased becomes moldy before I can eat it. What the hell? How does this happen? Why doesn't the cheese just grow more cheese? Or become more cheesy? I wish I could buy the cheese that becomes blue cheese before it becomes blue cheese. That way I could eat it, and as it rots in my fridge it would actually become tastier. Instead of losing my valuable cheese, my cheese would become more valuable! It's a pyramid scheme of value and the only loser is god!

Beware the fury of the patient man

I've been hearing a lot these days about the have's and the have-not's. As far as I'm concerned they both sound like assholes.