Sunday, July 31, 2005

I am an expert about coffee


I bought some coffee that is supposed to be from Mexico. 100% Mexican coffee bean. I am glad my coffee is racially pure. Some people go for the hybrid shit--half dark roast, half light roast. Not me. I get my coffee 100% pure. I don't care what country it is from. I just want a guarantee that my Mexican beans have never crossed paths with some Columbian bean. Can you imagine the chaos of taste if an Italian roast was mixed with a Turkish blend? I can. It would be so chaotic that some bad ass Golani Special Forces would have to be called in to correctificate the situation. BlamO!

Friday, July 29, 2005

A great story

This is my favorite short written piece. It is by Kafka.

Passers By
When you go walking by night up a street and a man, visible a long way off-- for the street mounts uphill and there is a full moon--comes running towards you, well, you don't catch hold of him, not even if he is a feeble and ragged creature, not even if someone chases yelling at his heels, but you let him run on.

For it is night, and you can't help it if the street goes uphill before you in the moonlight, and besides, these two have maybe started that chase to amuse themselves, or perhaps they are both chasing a third, perhaps the first is an innocent man and the second wants to murder him and you would become an accessory, perhaps they don't know anything about each other and are merely running separately home to bed, perhaps they are night birds, perhaps the first man is armed.

And anyhow haven't you a right to be tired, haven't you been drinking a lot of wine? You're thankful that the second man is now long out of sight

Chicken Soup for the Vegetarian's Soul


My favorite fighter has been getting his ass kicked since he returned to professional fighting. It seems the sport has advanced to such a degree that his expertise is no longer novel, and effective counters to his technique abound. And yet recently a certain fight gave me great joy. In 2004, Royce Gracie (175 lbs) fought Akie Bono; a 400+ lbs sumo wrestler. Akie Bono is not some fat ass loser sumo either. He is a full fledge Yokozuna and throws down with the best of them. Anyway Royce kicked his ass. It was great. Skinny Royce gets taken down by this guy twice. He keeps trying to snake around the guy's gut to get to his back. The sumo is too damn strong, and just throws Royce away whenever he starts getting around his belly. Royce decides to do the coolest thing I have ever seen--he hooks his entire body to just one of the Sumo's arms and twists. Look closely. This is no ordinary arm bar. This is pure genius. The Sumo taps. Skinny men everywhere erupt in applause.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

I am tougher than this guy

Monday, July 25, 2005

Eazy E is still talking shit.

I've been downloading a lot of Eazy E recently. Songs like "Gimmie that Nut", "Nutz on Ya Chin" , and "Put it in Your Mouth". Eazy was one of the greats. A poet for all times and all peoples. I find his use of the cock sucking metaphor quite enlightening. Heine, Goethe, Gogol, Dante, are admittedly very fine poets with a keen grasp of the human soul. But come on, none of their art can hold a candle to these lines:
-Chorus-[2x]
uh, get it on baby
uh, get it on baby
uh, get it on baby (gently put the ballhaaaaa)
-Chorus-[2x]

Chorus:
Gimmee that, that, that nutt [3x]
Gimmee that, Gimmee that, Gimmee that nutt

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Bible beating

The city of Babel will rise again, and the tower will be completed. For all that stopped its construction was the dispersal of peoples, and the confusion of tongues. Dispersion has been solved with the airplane and the automobile, and the prevalence of translators let us speak in all tongues. Has the new construction already begun? Has the city been re-founded? Or has the original motivation been replaced by a better, more compelling goal?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Skipping the hard shit

In the Big Easy it is quite common to hear bands cover rock standards. Last night I heard these dudes play Van Halen's "Jump". When they got to the extended solo part of the song (where Eddie busts a nut) the guitarist and keyboardist did nothing. I mean nothing. They played the entire section without even attempting a solo. I applaud their cowardice. I applaud twenty seconds of hard core filler.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Only you can prevent forest fires.

I take the title of this blog to be an irrefutable truth. A bear says it and I am not one to argue with bears. So given that you and you alone can stop forest fires, Why the fuck aren't you stopping any of these fires? Don't you care about the animals? The trees? Why don't you take care of your awesome responsibility and prevent already? How many bunnies must roast in cruel flames? Think of the bunnies!

I know, I know, you're thinking, "Christ, I didn't choose to be the saviour of the forest. I just want to be an ordinary man".
To bad. The bear chose you. He could of chosen me, he could of chosen anyone, but he chose you. You have to face the facts. Only you have the power. Only you can protect the forest. Millions of trees and bunnies have died gruesome deaths because you continue to deny your destiny. Rise up my friend, and be true to your calling. The forest needs you.
The bunnies need you.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Scotch is the best? No. Its the bestest.

There is a drunk that can only be provided by scotch. I am puzzled by the different types of "drunk" generated by different drinks. Alcohol is alcohol. So I have no idea why Scotch should have a different effect then say "white russians". But lo! I have never gotten the same type of drunk from the consumption of white russians, hurricanes, vodka, or gin (gin makes a man mean), that I can get from scotch. I like everything mind you, but damn, when flying solo, relaxing to music, or to a book, or whatever smooths out the soul, scotch is king. But why? It is a great source of puzzlement. I only wish I had some caged monkey to experiment on. I think if I fed him a variety of mix drinks and then beat him senseless I could solve this mystery. Really. A couple of drinks, and then...BAM. I would smack the monkey silly. He would be all jumping and freaking out, screaming out monkey gibberish and I would just put the old school backhand across his face. The monkey would be confused. He had never taken so forceful a strike before! The hairless alpha male who had just given him the warming liquid was now a danger to his very being! Should he fight? Or take flight? Before his stupid monkey brain could decide I would hit him with my patented Deluxe Forehead Auxiliary Moon Butt. The monkeys skull would explode into a hundred pieces, leaving his undamaged brain intact. I would peel away the monkeys face to examine his brain. Maybe I would eat it. Maybe I would try talking to it. Whatever. The details are unimportant. I know I could solve the mystery.

The Passion Delivered to you door step!

I am thinking about going into business. A kick ass business. Of kick ass Value-Nerds having a Kick Ass time. Woo! I want to export kilos of sweet wisdom up river to my friends in San Juan! HELL Yeah. I want to ship pounds and pounds of ass clenching elenchus to my plum blossom in Up state. And I want cash in return. Value for money. Straight up. You send me cash I will send value. Agent relative, Agent Neutral, Directly Intuited, Hard core, hard on, value.

Value for money.

Sorry no C.O.D.'s

Thursday, July 14, 2005

A.D. Muthah Fuckin' Gordon.

Howdy friends.

I have read with much glee the posts at both the Film Watching Robot and the Teenage Fashion show. I would provide links to these sites but, who am I kidding? All of my readers (3 people) either write for these sites or are tragically aware of their location on the info-net. This here entry is an argument regarding a possible preference (mine) for another area of interest external to art criticism and possibly rhetoric (lets skip the art/rhetoric as everything, everything as art type tautology...I think we all know the distinction I am trying to make...art and rhetoric /not art and rhetoric). I have read very little of the philosophy of aesthetics and know jack shit about it. So I am going to write from what I know...a bit of Zionist philosophy.

But first some background (not to be pretentious but most of Zionist thought is ignored).
Much of Zionist thought can be viewed as a response to Nietzsche. The idea of creating a new culture, and a new mythology was seen by Zionists not as a justification for the great artist and the humankind he emerges from, but as a national need brought about by the destruction of the old faith through the enlightenment. We can take Nietzsche's presentation of Nihilism as the starting point of this discourse. Faced with a total skepticism, a lack of faith in all old myths and moralities, and no admittance to the new modern myth of European nation states and equality, how is man (as he appears to the Jew) to find meaning in life? Nietzsche places heavy emphasis on the Dionysian (chaotic and raw creativity that defies boundaries and definitions). It is in Dionysian art and the embrace of this eternal all dominating power of being that we can find meaning. For Nietzsche life has meaning and justification on account of the great artists and men it produces. We find meaning in our art, in the culture we create. This is Nietzsche solution to Nihilism. The shaping of the self in one's artistic image.

Contrast this with A.D. Gordon's vision for modern (not the rare over-)man. As a Jew and not a German, Gordon taps into different myths than enlightenment Europe and is not a philosopher, so bear with his lack of philosophical purity. Gordon's use of "Life" is strikingly similar to Nietzsche's Dionysian conception of being. The following is his Zionist appropriation and response to Nietzsche:
"The Essence of the personality of the "madman of the spirit," as we have seen him in his various forms from ancient times till today, is his inability to reconcile himself to the present, to ignore it, or to deceive himself about it. He can find no escape either in poetry or in song, not in culture or in literature, not in art or in embellishing his own refined, shining, but really limited ego. Even religion is no escape. He seeks life--not an end to thinking about it--human life, human life of cosmic dimensions, life in the image of God, life eternal. Therefore in olden days, when the "madman of the spirit" was still whole in spirit, and a son of nature, he made demands in a masterful voice, in the name of God; his words were full of power, of the abundance of life, and they blazed with sparks of fire. He based all things on the will of man: Did but man will it, he and his life would become worthy.
This was the way of Jews when they lived in their own land. [Sorry but this is so much like Nietzsche's view of the Greeks when they created tragedy...see Nietzsche's view of the Old testament as great art] They were a living people, at peace with god and with man, with life and with the world. It is different since we were torn from our land, since we became an uprooted and a withered people with an empty life and a petty spirit. Our condition has changed strikingly in recent times [1921], since the crumbling of the ghetto. The limited amount of independent life that still survived inside its walls has been destroyed while we, together with all mankind, have increased in knowledge, but at the expense of the spirit and of real life.
Today the"madman of the spirit" is no longer strong in his spirit and unshakable in his conviction, full of the zest and flaming with fire, like his ancestors. What he sees---the course of his own life--fills him with rancor and pain. He is full of doubts as to whether that peculiar, chaotic world called human life and that strange creature called man can be improved. More important, he doubts whether man has, or ever will have, the desire for improvement.
In one respect, however, he resembles his ancestors--he cannot make peace with the present or stop thinking about life. He finds no escape form life in poetry, or in song, in literature, or in art, or in the private improvement of his limited ego. What are aesthetics, poetry, belles-lettres, literature, art, to me? For me the beauty or nobility of spirit and the exaltation of my soul is Life! Life--full complete, great, lofty, eternal Life! Life itself must be a song! [lifted straight from Thus Spake Zarathustra] Man must be a vital creature! One must not stop thing about life, even for a single moment. But what is literature, art, and the rest, if not a substitute for thinking about life, a way to flee from life to a world of beauty, thought, song, and artistic creation? Man is forbidden to run away--or to withdraw from life. The alternatives are life or death--there is no third choice.
This is the tragic lot of the "madman of the spirit" of today: The earth is no longer firm under his feet; he lacks the absolute faith both life and man need to be, can be, and must be lofty. He lacks the confidence that his ancestors had, but his spirit makes demands that are as urgent and compelling as were theirs. Perhaps, indeed, out of his constant wrestling and struggling with doubts, with contradictions, with indifference, out his standing against the easy adaptability of the great majority--these demands become more acute; the become a sort of idee fixe. Deep within him, too, there lives the absolute certainty, beyond any shadow of doubt, that everything depends on the will of man. But he looks at the majority of mankind and begins to doubt whether the majority of men are capable of an act of will--whether, in general, most men have any great tendency towards wanting what they should want. The entire structure of the contemporary "madman of the spirit" rests on doubt: Perhaps man can improve; perhaps the creation of man has not yet been completed; perhaps he must yet struggle on in a more exalted direction. The "madman" of today has no other foundation than this "perhaps"; hence he holds on to it as though it were an anchor and for this "perhaps" he gives his life."

Sort of preachy. But anyway, this lays out what I would say is my problem with the nearly exclusive focus we often place upon our role as interpreters of pop culture. I don't think I am satisfied with taking an observer's role in regard to "the shitty now". Rather than merely analyze, and in the process deny myself any power to shape the politics and culture that affect my life, I want to be involved in shaping my environment. Rather than delude myself of powers I don't possess (a symptom of hippies and protesters) I am interested in directing my energies towards living a life that actually reflects my values. I don't need to dissect what sucks about the things that suck (as fun as it is to do and hear others do this). I can ignore shitty music (except Simple Plan...holy fuck they eat ass) and avoid television. I really have no interest in what the kids these days are doing. Fashion and celebrities can suck a nut. And yet I find it unsatisfying to hide from the world. It is not fulfilling to just refrain from buying offensive products while being a part of system and culture you dislike. Vegetarianism and bumming car rides from people doesn't feel like living according to any ideals. I want to avoid the impotence associated with being a powerless outsider in a culture chock full of offensively shitty t.v., offensively stupid churches, and a surface culture that has no appeal to me beyond pornography. For me I guess, even successfully attacking and destroying what I hate would be unsatisfying. I want to experience something better in my active life, and not just shut up Dr. Phil or convince others that he sucks. In the end I guess, this is why I can't get all that excited about discussions of art beyond analysis regarding the quality of the power and content of a particular piece. I like poems. I like songs. I like films. I like paintings. I like books. I want to know what works are thought good by people whose judgments are likely to mirror mine. I don't have an opinion about "the novel", "the tragic", or " sequential art". My interest lies elsewhere. Where? In desert communes. Perhaps I would think differently if I wanted to create art. But I don't. I want to impact and shape the place where I eat, play, live and work. I am interested in determining and living in a system that offers me the greatest chance of fulfilling this ideal. I don't feel the best focus for what interests me lies in deconstructing the forms of art, I want to get to off of my ass and milk some goddamn cows.

Monday, July 11, 2005

10 years...yes I can believe it! It feels like 80!

Rich sent me this shit about my 10 year high school reunion. Because this is the nineties they have a website where people can post little quips of excitement! "I can't wait to see you all!" "Can you believe its been 10 years!" "Where has all the time gone!"

This one jerk of an ass not only blew off his hand in junior high he also managed to kill one of the few decent members of my class in a car wreck of his causing. This Troy-of-a Cunt is "excited to be able to hang with the best group of people." It would have been a better group if you didn't kill Matt you fuck. Ten years isn't enough time for me to want to shake your stump asshole.
Fuck, I even looked at some girl's website. She has a kid and loves Jesus; the Alpha and Omega, Christ. (Jesus describes himself with Greek letters...hmm strange metaphor choice for a Jew. I know he spoke Greek as well as Aramaic but still...kinda odd he is doesn't call himself the Aleph and SoF.)
I feel closer to the mexicans building the house next door than to the people of my high school class.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Hurricanes dont exist...but I still have gas

Hurricane Dennis was a no show. This is the second time New Orleans has caught Hurricane Fever--to no avail. For weeks the media brought the hype...how to prepare, what to expect, the dangers, and so on and so forth. But despite the wait and anticipation, not a god damn thing happens. Nothing. I walked around today and my farts caused more damage than any fucking "gale". Wooosh. Thats it. I think the wind wooshed through some leaves and cooled my warm testicles. Thats a hurricane? Sure, the "hurricane" killed a bunch a people in Haiti, but come on, mosquito bites kill people in Haiti. Force of nature? Morelike Farce of nature. Shit! I'm beginning to suspect hurricanes are like moon landings...they only exist as pictorial "evidence" supplied by government sanctioned outlets. I want destruction and a chance to loot! Don't I have a right to loot? I want to loot so bad!

Friday, July 08, 2005

Hurricanes give me gas.

Howdy Comrades,
The revolution continues to cycle. and spin. It spins on spin dry.
A hurricane is coming! There are probabilities and facts concerning its whereabouts. I have no fear. I have seen the face of storms before and they look rather randy. While my landlord purchased some canned food in preparation for power loss I bought a bottle of Rum. Alas, I have no cammo. Tonight, on the sabbath of my people, and the eve before landfall, I am going to nail boards up around windows. I think this is a waste of time. I fear not the dissonance of broken glass, water spray and natural fury. Bring the funk sir Dennis. Bring your madness to Louisiana, towards my foaming spite! We will see who outlast who.

I am going to pee on this hurricane.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Killing Birds with Multiple Stones.

Once I shot a bird with a bow and arrow set my mom bought me from a garage sale. I felt terrible about it. He laid on the ground struggling, skewered by a cheap wooden shaft. I was just a kid back then, and I didn't think to do the noble thing and crush it. Instead I meekly walked away, leaving it to suffer a slow and painful death. Looking back, I never think to regret the actual shooting of the bird. I was just being a dumb boy and as the saying goes, boys will be boys. I only feel shame in not stepping on the bird, and killing it quickly.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Wal-sweet

Walgreens makes a zero calorie sweetener called "Wal-Sweet". I have yet to grasp the point of a zero calorie sweetener. How many calories does one actually save by putting a packet of Wal-Sweet in one's coffee instead of sugar...or gasp! heaven forbid... drinking coffee black? Any fatties out there with stories of weight loss centered around replacing the teaspoon of sugar they put in their coffee with Wal-Sweet? Is there any other possible way of reducing one's coffee sugar intake without ingesting a compound designed to be indigestible? The fact that our culture creates a market pressure for scientists to develop chemicals that simulate the enjoyment of food without giving any nutritional benefit to the consumer, while at the same time many people have inadequate means to consume enough calories to sustain their lives, is perhaps one of the best examples of the market leading towards blatant stupidity. Given the choice, most would prefer that scientific funding went towards finding a stable means for feeding the worlds masses. What technological marvel would you rather see? The ability to eat sugar without calories? Or the ability to give people the necessary calories to live? Shit! What path should we encourage our scientist to explore? For fuck sakes, if sugar is so tasty (and it is) and being fat is so terrible (and it is) then how about after putting the sugar in your coffee you do a couple push ups and call it even. No wait. It's better to redirect our intellectual resources towards sweet (Wal-Sweet) indulgence without responsibility.

Of course the only logical thing to do now is to hand out pamphlets urging the boycott of Walgreens. Wait? For all I know Wal-Sweet is far less environmentally harmful than sugar cane. Shit! Maybe Wal-Sweet reduces the use of pesticides and water, and spawned a fuckload of other useful scientific ideas and research. Maybe the future of Africa is to be found in the replacement of sugar with Wal-Sweet, and the freeing up of sugar plantations for other essential crops. Maybe. But know ye this: Wal-Sweet is a dumb fucking name for a dumb fucking product.